Nature
‘Nature is always lovely, invincible, glad, whatever is done and suffered by her creatures. All scars she heals, whether in rocks or water or sky or hearts.’
John Muir
Hello there, neighbor! I suppose it’s that time again, when I’m past-due on a Following The Photographer update. What a crazy summer! If you’ve been watching The Photographer’s stories on Facebook or Instagram, you might have noticed we are (Still) in the process of building our dream home. It has been a story, y’all. Every single part of this project has been Hurry-up and WAIT. Quick fill out this form… now wait 2 weeks. Now quick get this one in because you’ll have to wait another week. Then this form to this place and this one to another place – at the same time – but now you’ll have to wait a month. Oh for the waiting. But, we’re learning. Mostly about that dreaded “p-word” (Patience).
Recently, I lost a dear friend and brother. Shocking doesn’t begin to describe it. Devastating isn’t even close. I understand, intellectually, what grief is. I understand the stages – anger, denial etc. I even know the “things” to take care of my physical body, drinking rose petal tea, sleeping in, allowing the tears to flow when needed. I’m writing this through tears right now..
When I was visually arranging this post in my mind, I remembered something interesting. Any nature/landscape photog will tell you, those perfectly bright sunshine-y days don’t make for the best pictures and sunrises. Christian calls them boring. You get the mind-blowing, soul-wrenching colors from clouds or better yet – after a storm.
Let me repeat that because my heart needs to hear it again – The Beautiful Sunrise, The Breath-Taking Colors, Come From CLOUDS, The Dark Parts, The Scary Hard Storms In Life. That thing that blocked out the brightness of the sun – that causes the colors we see. There is something important in there that I need to remember. It’s in experiencing the hard stuff, that intimacy and connection can grow.
It’s now, in the middle of the pain, that I can feel so fully thankful for each minute Derek and I spent talking. He gave me the best advice that truly changed my life.. it’s what gave me the courage to move to Two Harbors. He told me, “A day, a week, a month. It’s ok if you need to come home, it’s ok if you want to stay. Everything will be ok either way.” No one else put it that simply. That persistent love and support is the character of my brother.
Sometimes we have little shifts in life, which we take a day at a time. Sometimes they lead to big shifts. I’m feeling more shifts heading our way. So you may see some changes on our websites, some changes as we build our new house, some changes in social media. I have been backing away from social media outlets. Instead I would like my energy to be here and on our various other websites. So if you would like to see our story unfolding, I will do my best to keep updating it on this site.
Just in case you’re worried about me, please know, I’m ok. I know how to grieve. Writing helps but I also have a great support system. Christian has the sweetest, kindest soul and his love has been a rock-solid but soft pillow of support.
‘Nature is always lovely, invincible, glad, whatever is done and suffered by her creatures. All scars she heals, whether in rocks or water or sky or hearts.’
John Muir
I’ll love you always, Derek. Keep an eye out for the heavenly deer xo
13 Comments
Beth
Wow! Thank you, Sweet Kara!
I’m so very sorry for the earthly loss of your brother Derek. There are no words other than I’m praying and trusting in the Lord’s comfort and care for all of you in the midst of such deep pain and grief.
In times of pain and grief I always think of how Jesus was sweating blood in the Garden before he was crucified. It greatly comforts me because He clearly GETS IT…He knows grief beyond what I ever will here on earth. And yet He’ll never say “you don’t know anything about pain and grief”, but instead says “I’m so sorry you’re in pain…can I sit with you awhile and hold your hand?” (cuz He gets a hug to my introvert self would be too much). What an AMAZING gift!
With love and prayers,
Beth
Linda Lovold
Kara, you & Christian are inspirational! Your writings & photos are very moving & enjoyed by so very many! We thank you & hold you close in our hearts! Losing Derek physically is hard but I believe his love & spirit energy remain with you‼️
💗💗💗💗🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💗💗💗💗
Lynn Genter
Ohhhh, Kara,
You so beautifully put such deep thoughts and vivid images into words. I’m happy for you two building your Forever Home, but I’m sorry it’s taking almost-forever!
I hope that Christian will continue to share his photographic artistry on Facebook and that you’ll have time for your blog now and then. They color my days!
jean byers
Grief work is hard emotional work but necessary I learned that lesson at age 46 when my husband of 23 years died and i went on my own journey with grief over 3o years ago.. Grief taught me many life lessons that in those years. I learned to keep an open heart and the importance of positive affirmations. I enjoy your blogs thank you for sharing your journey. Enjoy this day.
Carol Buhr
What a lovely tribute to your brother and to your grief. I lost a sister nine years ago and it still hurts. I loved your description of how good things come out of the storms. Very appropos life metaphor. Sending hugs and healing energy to you and your family. And the dream house? It’s a labor of love, and you will forget about all of the delays once it’s done. Keep writing, because you are so very good at it.
Sandra Buss
I’m sorry to hear of your brothers passing.
Yes grief is hard. It changes & time passes but it never really goes away. It teaches us to appreciate the days we have with those we love. It changes our view.
We praise the storms that gives the rain that grows the beautiful flowers. We are careful with the thorns that protect the rose. We see that life goes on.
Thank you for sharing your stories.
Prayers to you.
Sue Spoden
Oh Kara,
I was so excited to see your blogging/newsletter once again. You are a gifted writer.
I am saddened to hear about the loss of your brother and feel for you. When a loved one dies we don’t “get over it”, but grow around it moment by moment. Your perspective about the rain and darkness resulting in light tells me that you are grieving but will be okay.
And the fits and starts of building hey, I’ve been there too and yes, patience is the key! But in the end you and Christian will have a love-filled home. So happy for you two!
May God bless you❤️
Mary Ann
Thank you for your writing. And thank you Christian for your photos. May your healing continue. And your forever home be ready to welcome you soon!
Connie Engel
Dear Kara, I am SO deeply sorry for the loss of your dear brother!!!!! 🙏 Your expression of what you are feeling is very vivid & real. All your positive thoughts & words are so inspiring. I’m so thankful you have Christopher to comfort you & be by your side. You are such a talented & beautiful writer. I love all your posts. I am anxious to read what comes next in your lives.
Sending big hugs & lots of love!! 💕🤗💕🥰❤️
Connie
Mom
You are truly an inspiration dear daughter. I wish I had known Derek better, but I saw the influence he had in your life. What a gift you were to each other. You will carry him in your heart forever.
Cheryl Rushenberg
The response of … a day,a week,a month ….ok to come, ok to stay…. reads like a poem. Truly beautiful… total permission to be, to be wherever you needed to be! Really touched my heart in its loving response. Hope you will write a poem in tribute to Christian.
Had my oldest sister pass and realize loss of sibling is like no other loss, unexplainable in ways. Part of yourself will now always be missing and just when you think after six months you have your new reality and accept it, then you go to tell someone you trust and love… and I am surprised my voice breaks and I tear up, No matter how many times one experiences death, it surprises me how the world just stops when you hear. Yes, we know how to grieve, it is just that it is demanding to process all that is needed to process. Carry on, carry your memories in your heart and make a space for honoring your brother in your new home. Peace.
Lyn-Ellen Scott
I am sorry for you on the loss of your brother. Loss is always hard. But take comfort in the fact you have Christian to help you through it. Everyday will get a little easier. Trust me. I have been there. Keep updating us on the changes in your life.
Vonnie Wilkie
BIG HUGS for you both! Sending positive energy healing prayers. My condolences. I can think of multiple platitudes to say but they all sound hollow at the moment…I can remember too vividly yet the loss of my own brother last year from cancer. You learn to not let the grief be your life after a while…memories come and the tears flow but then the cloud passes and the sun is shining and nature calls to your soul to embrace the new day. Building a house can be stressful, I can’t say that the permit work is the worst part….I think waiting on a buliding inspector so you can move on to the next stage in construction maybe worst… it definitely teaches you patience and does make you appreciate the finished product even more. Some of the houses we’ve built have been easier then others but they all had something we had to wait on! Love the above pictures! WOW! I enjoy your blogs alot! You are a very good writer and touch my heart with your words. Glad you are keeping busy on your websites. Just drop us fans a blog when you can, it’s always interesting to see from your perspective. From the description of your brother’s advice I think he loved you very much and would want you to be happy too! Big hugs!